his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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