So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
