halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
