my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
