I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
