C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
