My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
