Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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