So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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