I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
