so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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