My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
