i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
