And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
