I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
