Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
