I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
