I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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