It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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