i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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