I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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