So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
