i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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