nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
