Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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