And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
