Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
