Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
