So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
