I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I supernannyed him into submission
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
