I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
