found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
