so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pole danced in your parka.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
