hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
