I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
