No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
