It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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