There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
