Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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