dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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