I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My cat gives me a boner
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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