you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
