you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
