I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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