I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
