Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
