hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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