Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
