The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
