Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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