I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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