theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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