You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
