I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
