my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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