Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize