It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
