Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
