this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
