I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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