Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
