His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
