You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
