My friends, they love my intelligence
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
