While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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